jacrogers: ch 5.

  rupert/emily.
it all started with the charm bracelet.
ch. 5.

05.

                I woke up incredibly early the next morning, the anticipation building in my stomach. I decided to shower, figuring that nobody would be up at eight in the morning on a Saturday.

Unfortunately Alice and Hadley woke up at the same time I did and insisted upon doing my hair, makeup, and picking out my outfit for today after I showered. I tried to protest, but realized that it was a lost cause.

When I came back to the room, Alice was pulling open some of my dresser drawers and throwing clothes around. Hadley had started to go through her own trunk and had tossed some options on to the carpeted floor and had then proceeded to take some of Alice’s things and throw them on the carpet too.

After the fury of clothes picking died down, both of them then convened in the middle of the room, and when I tried to edge my way over they closed me out of their circle. I sighed and sat back down on my bed. Finally, Alice stood up waving about twelve different pieces of clothing in the air triumphantly. “This is what you’re wearing!”

She threw all of the clothes at me and I simply looked at them.

“These aren’t mine, are they?” I asked, confused.

“Uh, nope,” Hadley answered. “But just put it on. I’m pretty sure it’ll look amazing.”

I dressed myself in the outfit they had given me. A neon blue dress with a pink long-sleeved shirt under it, black leggings, a pair of Uggs, and an assortment of mismatched jewelry that happened to pull the entire outfit together. I actually thought they’d done a pretty good job. I wasn’t sure if I could have come up with this myself.

“Oh my god! You look amazing!” Alice said, jumping up and down.

“Amazing,” Hadley reiterated. “Now for your hair and makeup.”

I just sat down on my bed and let them do what they wanted; I was in no mood to argue. The two of them fussed about for a bit, applied loads of makeup, and then straightened my hair.

“Okay, okay! We’re done,” Alice cried excitedly. “Go look!”

I stood up prepared for some sort of disgusting combination of makeup, but as I looked in the mirror I didn’t even recognize myself. They’d thickly lined my eyes with black eyeliner and used an iridescent eye shadow, making my blue eyes pop. My hair was also the straightest it had been all year so far. It looked good. I had to hand it to them. They knew what they were doing.

“Are you ready?” Hadley asked, glancing at the digital clock on her bedside table. It read 12:14 pm. I didn’t understand how so many hours had passed, but apparently they had.

“I guess,” I said, becoming more nervous that I had been when I woke up. I could barely breathe.

“Uh well, get ready, cus here he comes now,” Alice said, poking her head out the door. “And wow, he’s looking pretty nice.” She shut the door again, and we heard a knock. Both the girls hugged me tightly and wished me luck, which I was now beginning to think I would need because I couldn’t speak. I just nodded and opened the door.

“Hey,” Rupert said smiling. “Hey Alice, Hadley.”

They waved, then Alice quickly slammed our door shut, leaving me and Rupert standing outside alone. My stomach was doing flips.

“So, are you ready?” he asked.

“Uh, I guess,” I managed to choke out.

“You look…really great,” he said.

“Uh, thanks,” I said, mentally noting that I had to ask the girls how they had done my makeup.

                Rupert pushed open the door to our dorm and we walked outside. The snow was coming down hard, and I shivered.

                “You cold?” Rupert asked.

                “Kind of,” I admitted.

He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. “Better?”

“Yeah,” I said, my heart beating at about a hundred miles per hour.

As we began making our way into town, I got more comfortable and completely forgot that we were on a date at all. That is, until we went into the little coffee shop in town and Rupert insisted on paying for me.

We sat down in a small booth in the corner of the shop, me drinking a chai tea and Rupert drinking some other sort of coffee.

“You’ve got snow in your hair,” Rupert said, leaning forward and brushing the top of my head off with his hands. I looked up to see him about three inches from my face. I immediately began to blush, and scooted backwards, away from him.

Both of us awkwardly sat in silence before we began to laugh.

“This is ridiculous,” Rupert said. “We always have something to talk about.”

“I know,” I said laughing. And immediately after that we launched into conversation, which we managed to continue for the rest of the trip through town. Deciding that neither of us wanted to waste our money on Christmas items yet, we decided to go back to school.

“First one back wins!” Rupert yelled, but I shook my head. I wasn’t in the mood to race. I just wanted to walk through the snow and enjoy the chilly winter day. “Oh come on! What’s your deal?”

“Nothing, I just don’t feel like racing you right now,” I said, tucking my hands in my pockets.

“Alright,” Rupert said, walking back to where I stood. “Then we can just go back to campus. Slowly.” I nodded.

Soon enough we arrived back at campus to a deserted common room; all of the other kids were still in town, though I’d been oblivious to them. The only person I cold focus on was Rupert. We both sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace.

“I had a good time today,” I said, leaning backwards.

“Of course you did,” Rupert said. “You were on a date with me.”

“You’re so full of yourself,” I teased.

“No, I’m just honest,” he said, hitting me with a pillow.

“Hey!” I said, hitting him back.

“Wait,” Rupert said. “I have a question.”

“Okay, go,” I said, feeling nervous.

“Remember how you promised me a favor yesterday?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “Vaguely.”

“I’m using it now.”

“Okay,” I said, thoroughly confused.

“So. Kiss me,” he said. I was shocked.

“Wait, excuse me?” I said, laughing.

“You heard me,” he said. “Come on.”

“Definitely not,” I said.

“Please,” Rupert said, tilting my face towards his. I buried it in crossed arms though. “I just want to see something.”

“See what?” I asked.

“Just kiss me,” he said.

“What if I don’t want to?” I asked, though honestly, I did want to.

“Please try to tell me you’ve never had an urge to kiss me,” Rupert said, crossing his arms defiantly.

“I’ve never had an urge to kiss you,” I said evenly.

“Right, so that’s why you kissed me that night in September,” Rupert said.

“That was different,” I said. “It was just in the heat of the moment kind of thing.”

“Right, and that’s why you got so upset when you found me kissing that other girl,” Rupert said, leaning closer to me.

“Just leave me alone!” I said, suddenly angry that he was figuring me out. I stood up and ran towards the stairs, but Rupert caught my arm.

“Absolutely not,” he said, backing me up against a stone wall.

“Seriously,” I said. “Just stop.”

“I’m not doing anything,” he said, looking at me with his blue eyes, which were making me feel quite dizzy at the current time.

And then he leaned forward and tilted my head up toward his. My heart was racing. Right before his lips touched mine though, I turned my head, so he only caught my cheek.

“What the hell?” he asked, clearly confused.

“Just go away!” I said. I wasn’t even sure why I had done that; I’d wanted to kiss him since this morning. Actually, since the last time he’d kissed me.

“What’s your deal, Emily?” he asked, moving away slowly. “You don’t make any sense. First I think you like me, then I think you don’t like me, then when I finally decide to go for it, you don’t like me anymore.” I took in what he was saying, then realized it was exactly what he had been doing too. It wasn’t just me.

“Yeah well, you weren’t the only one confused,” I said quietly.

“Whatever, Emily,” Rupert said, walking over to the boys’ staircase.

 For some reason I stood frozen to the ground, and watched him walk up the stairs. I felt horrible. I heard his door slam and slumped down on to the ground, putting my head between my knees. I tried to figure out what I should do, but no answer came. I sighed loudly and before I knew what I was doing I had arrived at Rupert’s dorm. I lifted my hand to knock, but quickly lowered it. This was not a good idea. I knocked anyway.

The door swung open slowly, revealing Rupert.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“To come in,” I said, simply.

“What if I don’t want you to come in?” he said.

“You don’t really have a choice,” I said, stepping into his room and slamming the door shut behind me.

“I guess I’ll live,” Rupert said, sighing dramatically.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked.

“Not really,” he said. “But you did promise me a favor. I won that race fair and square.”

“Okay,” I said, walking towards him. “Then come up with one that doesn’t involve me kissing you.”

“Okay,” he said, standing up. “Come here.”

I did as I was told and inched my way over to where Rupert stood. Before I actually knew what was happening he had his lips on mine, his tongue trying to edge his way in. I opened my mouth, and nervously kissed him back. I had the chills, but was happy that this was happening. I had wanted it after all. We continued to kiss, Rupert pushing me backwards onto his bed. It was so weird. Why was I kissing my best friend? I wondered if he was having these same thoughts or if it was just me. The more I kissed him the more I felt like I only liked him as a friend. And by the time he had my shirt off I was pretty certain that this was all a really big mistake.

“I can’t do this,” I said, breaking away from our heated kiss.

“Why not?” Rupert asked, shaking his red hair away from his forehead.

“You’re my best friend,” I said.

“So?” he asked.

“I can’t stop thinking about it,” I admitted. “This feels wrong to me.”

“Well, I can’t stop you from leaving if you want to,” Rupert said, gesturing to the door. I sighed. I was incredibly confused. I stood up and walked to the door. I ran back to my dorm, tears already beginning to fall. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. I pushed open the door to find Hadley emptying out a load of shopping bags. Alice was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh my god! Emily! What’s wrong?” Hadley asked as I ran in and threw myself on my bed, crying. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“I don’t know what to do,” I cried.

“About what?” Hadley asked.

“Rupert,” I said. Then it was like a dam broke and I just started to sob.

“What happened? Did the date go badly?” Hadley asked.

“No,” I sobbed. “It went well. But…but then, then he tried to kiss me, when we got back here,” I stuttered. “I, I mean, then he did. But I told him I couldn’t because it felt weird. When I was, was, kissing him, I felt like it was all a really big mistake.”

“Honey, it’s okay,” Hadley said. “You’re allowed to have mixed feelings.”

“But I don’t know, Hadley,” I wailed. “I don’t know. When I get what I want I get so scared that I push it away.”

“So you admit to fancying him then?” Hadley asked.

“I don’t know!” I cried. “I don’t know.”

“Calm down, calm down,” Hadley said, handing me a box of tissues. I sat up and tried to breathe. My mascara was running down my face at this point and bleeding black into the tissue that I was using to dab at my cheeks with. I thought about how everything had been for the past few months and how much I liked Rupert’s little signs of affection, and his personality, and how I actually had liked kissing him. I had just convinced myself that I couldn’t do it. Finally, I just gave in.

“Yes,” I said, beginning to cry again.

“Yes?” Hadley repeated. “Yes what?”

“Yes. Yes, I fancy him,” I said, crying.

“It’s okay,” Hadley said, wrapping me in a hug. “You know what, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get you some water.”

I nodded, trying to wipe the smeared makeup from my face. A second later the door was pushed open. I looked up, expecting Hadley, but instead saw Rupert. Fuck.

“You okay?” he asked me.

“Where’s Hadley?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“Uh, she had to run to go get some more water bottles from the dining hall. We didn’t have any left.” He sat down beside me on my bed.

“You always catch me at the worst times,” I said, half-laughing. “I’m sorry.” I tried to wipe off my wet face.

“It’s okay,” Rupert said, putting his arms around me. “Look, I’m sorry about before. Really. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry if it upset you.”

“Tell me something,” I said, leaning into Rupert’s embrace.

“Sure,” he said. I’m not sure he expected what was going to come out of my mouth though.

“Do you fancy me?” I blurted.

Rupert immediately turned pink. “What? Do I what?”

“Fancy me?” I repeated, now feeling slightly embarrassed myself.

“Do you?” he asked, avoiding my question.

“Do I what?” I asked, playing stupid.

“Fancy me?” he asked.

“I asked you first,” I said.

“And I asked you second,” he said.

“Shut-up,” I said, laughing. He laughed too. “But really.”

“Really,” he said, looking at me. He paused. “I, well, this is just going to make everything uncomfortable.”

“How?” I asked. “Why can’t you just tell me?”

“What if this ends badly?” he asked.

“Why are you thinking about that?” I replied.

“Because I, I suck at relationships. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined,” he said.

“So you fancy me then,” I said, trying to figure out what he was saying. “Either way our friendship is going to be uncomfortable after this, so you might as well tell me.” My heart was pounding. I thought it was going to jump out of my chest.

He looked at me with his big, blue eyes. “Uh, well, I think.”

“Think?” I asked.

“Your turn,” he said, ignoring my question and removing his arms from around me, as if waiting for me to say yes so that he could replace them.

“I, I do,” I stuttered. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks.

“So then why did you say it was wrong before?” Rupert asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I really don’t.”

“Okay,” Rupert said, shrugging, then standing up. “Well, now that we have that out in the open, I’m going to go back to my room.”

“Don’t go,” I said, not realizing I had said it until it had come out of my mouth.

“Why not?” he asked. I pouted.

“You know that doesn’t work on me,” he said sitting down. “It never has.”

“So then why are you sitting down?” I asked.

“Because I’m an amazing friend,” he countered. I rolled my eyes.

Then I scooted closer to him and he put his arm around me again. I looked up at him and he gently put his lips to mine, as if asking me if it was going to be okay now. I responded by opening my mouth a bit to let his tongue edge its way in. I pushed him backwards onto my bed and began to kiss him very, very hard. He kissed me back. I tugged off his shirt and felt his warm skin against mine. I almost forgot to breathe. He pulled off my shirt also and began to unclasp my bra, skillfully, as if he’d done this a million times before. Which I actually didn’t doubt. He was famous. Therefore, he could have anybody he wanted. I felt weird  snogging Rupert Grint, the star of the Harry Potter movies. It felt weird snogging my best friend. It wasn’t weird in a bad way, but it was definitely different.

Then, like the last time, the door swung open unexpectedly, causing Rupert to jump and me to hit my head against his chin.

“OH MY GOD!” Hadley was standing there. “I am so sorry.” But she didn’t back away or close the door. It was like she was frozen. Finally she appeared to regain consciousness and sprinted out of the room, clearly embarrassed.

“That always happens to us,” Rupert said, laughing.

“Yeah,” I agreed, suddenly feeling rather uncomfortable without anything covering my chest. But before I could do anything about it, Rupert lunged forward and began to kiss me again, this time unbuttoning my pants. I shivered as he ran his fingertips up and down my now bare thighs. This was too weird. I pulled back from the kiss.

“What?” Rupert asked. “Too fast?”

“Uh, sort of,” I admitted. I didn’t want to tell him that it still felt weird for me to be snogging my best friend, though he was also my love interest.

“No worries mate,” he said, standing up and pulling his shirt back on.  He walked towards the door and then stopped abruptly. “So are we going to try this?”

“Try what?” I said, pulling out a random shirt from under my bed. I pulled it over my head.

“That’s definitely mine,” Rupert said. I looked down and noticed that I was, in fact, wearing the shirt I had stolen from Rupert when we were much younger. “Am I ever getting that back?”

“No,” I said. “It’s like…well it reminds me.” I didn’t really know how to phrase what I was going to say, so I stopped and instead played with the charm bracelet Rupert had given me earlier on in the year.

“Reminds you of what?” he asked.

“Well, when you were gone for filming all the time,” I said, “it reminded me of you.”

He grinned. “Not that it’s easy to forget me.”

“You have such an ego,” I said, throwing a pillow at him.

“Sorry,” he said, chuckling. “But seriously. Are we going to try this?”

“This being what?” I asked.

“Us,” he said, turning mildly pink again.

“Us?” I asked. “We’ve always been us.”

“You know what I mean,” Rupert said. “You’re being so difficult.”

“I just want you to say it,” I said, grinning, seeing I was causing him enormous discomfort.

“Are we going to try this?” Rupert asked. “Are you going to be my girlfriend?”

“Only if you want me to be,” I said, my heart now beating so fast I could barely breathe.

“Of course,” he said. Then he reached into his back pocket. “Before I forget…” He threw a small box at me. “Open it.”

I took off the lid and inside was another little silver charm, this one a simple heart.

“How did you know…” I started.

“I had a feeling,” he said, leaning up against my door. “Come here.”

I walked over toward him and he held out his hand. I dropped the little charm in it. He was nervous too. It wasn’t just me. His fingers gave him away; they trembled as he tried to clasp the charm onto the little bracelet. He leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek, whispering, “Meet me tomorrow morning in the commons at 1:30.” I gave him a questioning look but he merely raised his eyebrows and walked smoothly out the door.