вторник, 9 октября 2007 г.

penvythegreen08: mystery bag of feelings?

so i'm still super exhausted, no matter what. sleeping for many hours just isn't enough for me nowadays...or so it seems. competition saturday went alright, i guess. i saw danny as we were coming outta the tunnel and back to the buses. it was cool. i met some guys, and idk if they were gay, or brothers, but yeah...they were fun. montwood's show was the shit, and bel air's show as well as hanks. they all got first divisions, and also del valle. i'm rather proud because i know they've worked their asses off. so yep, no complaints. jose's so contradicting...well, in my perspective. it's as if he wants something but then again not really. i'm...not attracted but somehow so, yes, to him. i miss him and i want him back. i know he misses me too, otherwise he wouldn't tell me and act like it. i don't know how to admit this, but i love him this one particular way which can't be described. he makes me smile and feel warm inside at times...it's indescribable what he does to me...
on the other hand, the love i feel for him isn't that like the one i still have for hugo. i mean, yes...i will say i love him because i do, and he's just the best person ever to come across my life. yes, he's the one i still dream about sharing my life with, but come on...it's just a dream. maybe it's wrong to say this, but i think i'm going to sue whomever owns the disney enterprises because according to them and walt, "dreams do come true" such as what cinderella said once. dreams don't come true, not all at least. so therefore, i'd probably get one wish:being wealthy! right? haha playing, but seriously. i love this boy with all my heart and more...and i know he knows it, but what can we do, right? the current "friend" issue in my life:
i found out a big big thing (i made it a big deal) last week, and i haven't gotten over it.
i was talking to diego, and he told me that april and him kissed...while she was going out with chris. hmmmm...i never thought she was like that. "oh, i've never cheated on him." "oh, he's so indifferent...he cheated on me."
lie after lie. i know they're together, she lied about breaking up with him, duhr. he loves her. i know! she's just, as diego said "one of those girls that sees a guy she likes and HAS to kiss him" said flores...
what does this matter? a lot! she lied to me, i took my time to help her...and she introduces me to someone she wants me to hook up with, but doesn't tell me that she's gotten to him while she's got a bf. hmmm. of course, i don't know how i got this out of diego, it was weird, but i'm sure he would've stayed quiet too. i don't think i'll ever see her like i once did, not ever feel pity for her whenever chris acts stupid. it's her fault and on her conscience...not mine. i'm still so upset about this though thanks to the fact that i really loathe people that act such a way...it's just futile for me to even explain. it's so wrong! i've thought about such a subject before, and i told diego an example...where i used myself and a "case" [fictional might i add) to explain how it was wrong. to him however, friends matter more...but he can't understand that it's wrong...well now, but not back then. hmmm...i've got a lot more on my mind but the bell's going to ring. it's a miracle i didn't fall asleep here...i'll update this later though. for the meanwhile, i must try to cool myself down (i'm cold, but the fury raving up inside of me can't alleviate me from other things...and i'm in no mood to find a ruse just to forget). gah!! >:[

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