понедельник, 8 октября 2007 г.

politeawakening: The Very Beginning Part II

We didn't talk very often after my birthday. I would just call him up to find a bag or whatever, and do my thing. I hung out with him once alone and it was to help him deal a little. Basically I was his ride and drove him everywhere for about a week. I started hearing through the grapevine that  he met some chick named Tracy. I let it go, I was hurt but knew it was just to get over me.  So to get over him I hung out with Sean one night and we got really drunk and had sex. It was not planned and I didnt really think twice about it. I was just horny, and missed Per. So that was the end of that, things were akward between Sean and I and I didnt talk to him for a long time.  I started hanging out with Mike Kopecky a lot. I would walk over to his house almost everyday, because at that point I couldnt drive because of my DWI. (dec 20th 2005) We would hang out, smoke, and drink. He broke up with his girlfriend at the time to be with me , but told him not to because I wasnt ready to be in a relationship. I was not over Per at that point. I didnt want to hurt him, but he broke up with her anyways. We still hung out like everyday. Drinking all the time. I started getting really sick from drinking, and couldnt handle it anymore. I didnt know what was wrong with me. I was a full fledged alcoholic, and all of the sudden I couldnt even take a pull without puking?!? I was really confused. So on May 18th 2006, I went to the teen clinic to get my next round of birth control, and told one of the nurses I hadnt been feeling very well. They gave me a pregnancy test, and it came out positive. I WAS SHOCKED AS HELL. I had no idea how far along I was, didnt know what to think or do. Frankly, I didnt even know who could be the dad since I didnt know when my last period was. Ever since I had started the shot I never ever got my period, so they couldnt figure out when my conception date was.  I stopped hanging out with everyone, I isolated myself for the rest of the summer, lied to my mother about being pregnant...I just didnt know what to do. I couldnt have an abortion again because that was a tough thing to go through and I didnt want to deal with it again. So before I even decided to tell anyone I decided myself that I would put the baby up for adoption. I stuck with that for awhile. Labor day 2006 I decided to tell Mike. I figured it could have been his. I really wasnt sure, I didnt know how to tell Per or Sean so I didnt. Mike was very understanding and I even told him I wasnt sure if he was the dad becasue I had sex with him within the two weeks I had sex with Sean...and two weeks within Per. He didnt care, and he talked me into keeping the baby. We discussed moving in together,but I was very skeptical because I was so unsure about who fathered.  I started going to the OBGYN in august I believe. I was 4 or 5 months along at that point. It was a boy!!!!! They werent sure about my conception date but estimated my due date on December 17th 2006.  I was in a really bad car accident October 16th 2006. I totaled my car and the impact from the accident pushed my sons head into the birth canal. I was in the hospital for 3 days to monitor the minor contractions I was having. They gave me some meds, and the baby was in good shape. Mikes mom brought me downtown to apply for medical assistance, so it would cover all of my birthing expenses and such. That was the only smart thing she ever did. When it came down to the fact that I needed to tell Sean too, Mike got really angry with me. Even though he knew in the first place he still acted like it was new information to him. I caught him cheating on me the night of my baby shower. My son was born two days later on November 22nd 2006. Supposedly he was a couple weeks early, but I dont buy it. They didnt even know if my due date was correct. We were at Childrens Hospital for 9 days. It was hell, and that place scared me. There were babys that were 1 pound 13 ounces. Colin was 5 pounds 2 ounces. I just didnt believe he was a preemie because he didnt look like one, he was hooked up to all of those machines, and was bigger than all of them. He was born with an imperferate anus. Which initially means that his hole was not fully developed, this was caused by the car accident. He grew out of it and wont need surgery for it.  I told Sean after Colin was born about the possibility. He was pissed and would not talk to me. At this point Per knew what was going on because I would tell him everything. He was support me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. I attempted twice to get both Mike and Sean tested but they just wouldnt show up. I had to do it the hard way and wait it out for 2 months to get them summoned to court to get the paternity tests done. We found out Mike was not the father around March. We found out Sean was not the father in July. Then when I got Per tested he was not happy at all, denying Colin with every ounce he had in him.  We found out Per was the father in September. Per and I still talk talk, but he has never spent time with Colin. He is waiting until court....basically he is waiting until he is forced to do something about it. He doesnt want to grow up.  He also told me that all I cared about was the money. I never said one thing to him about child support. Only that I he missed out on a lot and that I wanted him to spend time with his son and get to know him. I also told him that if all I cared about was the money...then I would not be talking to him and try to attempt to get him to be in Colins life. Its not my job to beg him, he needs to step up on his own. It just makes me sad. continued later on.....

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