neoplasm

Hmmmm... http://www.bspcn.com/2007/10/07/25-signs-you-have-grown-up/ Written by Salma Rumman Twenty-five Signs You Have Grown Up No 1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them. No 2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question. Yes 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. Not necessarily 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed. Muzak - no 5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator. No 6. You watch the Weather Channel. Yeah 'k 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.” No - there are ways around that 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14. No 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.” No 10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo. This never happens 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Well - I don't - but don't eat crap 12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. Yes and no because I paid the whole in cash 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. No but also no 14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers. No 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. Heh 16. You take naps. Heavy sigh 17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one. No 18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. All of the above 19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. Yep 20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.” No 21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time. Hmm 22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.” No 23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. No 24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar. That depends on the state of the marriage 25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?” Bonus: No - You read the list and know the signs don't matter because you've unavoidably crossed the line and there's just no going back. 26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.