Author:
Rating: R for sexual situations
Paring: Jack/OC
Disclaimer: Alas, it all belongs to Disney. I am making no profit from this.
Summary: Jack Sparrow is happily sailing around the Caribbean Sea, doing what he does best - raiding, pillaging, plundering and otherwise pilfering his weasely black guts out - when an unexpected and unwelcome visitor 'appears' on the Black Pearl. Much confusion and hilarity ensue as the two antagonists embark on an adventure that will change the course of their lives forever.
Genre: Humour, Action/Adventure, Supernatural, Romance.
Cross-posted to: , and jack_sparrow_oc
âThe past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.â
Leslie Poles Hartley (1895 â 1972)
A Foreign Country
After their little spat in Jackâs cabin, Bronwyn had stormed out of the captainâs quarters in search of evidence to disprove her rather unsettling, third theory. She couldnât believe that she had travelled back in time to the seventeenth century. It just wasnât possible... was it? Unfortunately, Bronwyn had only found evidence to support her âDr Who theoryâ, as she now thought of it. Her trip through Jackâs main cabin had been brief, but she had noticed the distinct lack of anything that might be considered modern. No TV's, no PCâs... no light switches, even. However, she had seen a lot of rather old fashioned furniture. And now, she stood on the deck of The Black Pearl with Captain Jack Sparrow at her side in front of about thirty dirty, filthy, mangy-looking men who were staring right at her.
"Crap,â muttered Bronwyn to herself as she turned to face Jack. âYou are telling the truth.â She looked around in amazement. He hadnât lied... had he?
âI do that quite a lot,â replied Jack, with a smug grin. âYet people are always surprised.â
Bronwyn was unsure as to what to do next. She swivlled around looked at the men again, but decided, after closer inspection, that she preferred looking at Jack. Bronwyn turned her head back in Jackâs direction and opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out. She just couldnât think what to say.
âRum?â asked Jack as he offered her a bottle. Bronwyn didnât say anything. She simply accepted the drink and brought it to her lips.
âOh my God!â she said as she spat the vile liquid out of her mouth and across the deck. There was a collective gasp of horror from the sailors before her. âWhat the bloody hell is that?â
âRum, love,â replied Jack as he snatched the bottle back from her, glaring. âItâs precious stuff, darlinâ. Donât you be wastinâ it like that.â
âIf thatâs rum,â Bronwyn wiped her mouth on her sleeve, âthen itâs like no rum Iâve ever tasted.â
âTasted many rums, have you?â asked Jack. He clutched the bottle to his chest like a child who didn't want to share his favourite toy. Bronwyn looked at his pouting face and shrugged her shoulders.
âActually, yes,â she replied. âI used to work in a pub, seeing as you asked. Iâve tasted all sorts of rum; white rums, gold rums, spiced rums, black rums, flavoured rums and even overproof rums and premium rums.â Bronwyn eyed the bottle that Jack was holding and nodded in its direction. âBut, I have never tasted anything like that before. That is... disgusting.â Bronwyn grimaced and wiped her mouth again.
âIt is not,â said Jack indignantly. He frowned at Bronwyn and then turned to look at his crew. âWhat are you lot looking at?â he shouted. âBack to work you scurvy dogs!â
âAye,â yelled Mister Gibbs who had been watching the exchange between Bronwyn and Jack. âYou heard the Capân. Back to work!â Bronwyn spun around and looked at Mister Gibbs.
âYou!â she said as she pointed at the portly pirate. âYou... you were in my room... his room.â she nodded in Jackâs direction. âYou had a sword!â Bronwyn took two steps backwards and bumped into Jack.
âSteady on!â said Jack. He put out one hand to steady Bronwyn and held his rum up, out of harms way, with the other.
âSorry!â yelped Bronwyn. She spun around to look at Jack and then spun back around to look at Gibbs. She was starting to feel very dizzy. âPlease donât hurt me,â she said to Gibbs as she stared at the hefty sword that hung from his belt. âPlease.â
Gibbs eyes flickered from Bronwyn to Jack and then back to Bronwyn again. A look of uncertainty passed over his face. âI wonât be hurtinâ ya, miss,â he informed her in a matter-of-fact voice. âI wonât be cominâ anywhere near ya.â
âAye,â said Jack from behind Bronwyn. He slung an arm around her shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze. âMister Gibbs is a bit of a softie. He wonât be hurtinâ you. He likes nothinâ more than havinâ a woman at sea. Ainât that right, mate?â
Gibbs just glared at his captain and muttered something unintelligible under his breath. âSo,â he said to Jack with what looked like a fake smile, âHave you figured out âow she got here yet?â He completely ignored the fact that Bronwyn was standing right next to him. Bronwyn didnât mind though. She was quite happy to be ignored by the big, burly man with the sword.
âNot yet,â said Jack. âBut, we will wonât we, eh?â
Bronwyn nodded. She would like nothing more that to figure out how she had ended up in on a pirate ship, in the middle of the Caribbean Sea in the seventeenth century. She still couldnât believe it, but it was the only explanation that made any sense. Jack might be bonkers, but what about the rest of his crew? Could they all be completely nuts? And what about the ship that she was standing on? It certainly looked authentic and where would a madman get his hands on a ship like The Black Pearl? Sure, a TV company could probably have a replica made, but if that was the case then where were all the cameras and microphones? She looked out at the ocean. There were no other ships in sight. Time travel was the only theory that held any water. Bronwyn shook her head. She was crazy, there were no two ways about it. That was the only theory that made any sense. She had gone to sleep perfectly sane, and had woken up the next day as mad as a march hare. Oh crap!
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Jack looked down at Bronwyn who was still tucked under his arm. What is it with women and rum? he thought to himself as he studied her features. They just donât appreciate its fine qualities. Speaking of fine qualities, Bronwyn had two of them tucked inside the shirt he had lent her.âWhat are you looking at?â shrieked Bronwyn. She had looked up at Jackâs face at the very moment that he had looked down at her chest.
âNothinâ!â exclaimed Jack. He tried to look as innocent as possible, but he could tell that she didnât believe him. Deciding that the wisest course of action would be to change the subject, Jack released Bronwyn from his friendly embrace and waved his arm in the direction of his crew. âSo, what do you think of me men and me ship then, Bronwyn love?â Bronwyn didnât answer, she simply frowned at Jack. âRum?â asked Jack in defeat as he held up the bottle again.
âNo thank you.â Bronwyn replied, âCan I ask you a stupid question?â For some reason, Jack had been expecting her to say something like that. He thought that her question had actually been a stupid question. Everything that came out of her mouth was stupid. What was one more stupid question?â
âI suppose so.â
âWhat year is it?â
Now that was a stupid question. âWhat year is it?â repeated Jack. He took a step back and examined Bronwyn closely. Itâs a crying shame, really. Such a pretty girl, too. What a waste. Jack shook his head.
âYes,â said Bronwyn. âWhat year is it?â
âWell, I donât rightly know.â Jack said after he had taken another long draft of rum.
âWhat do you mean, âyou donât rightly knowâ?â Bronwyn scowled at Jack. He wasnât sure that he liked the way she was looking at him. It seemed as though she thought he was the one who had just escaped from Bedlam.
âGibbs!â shouted Jack as he turned his back on Bronwyn and scanned the deck for his quartermaster, âGibbs!â
âAye, Capân.â Jack saw Gibbs emerge from behind the Mainmast.
âWhat year is it, man?â Jack bellowed across the deck.
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âWhat year is it?â Gibbs replied, Bronwyn rolled her eyes. If she hadnât had such an impending sense of doom hanging over her, she thought she probably would have laughed.âAye,â hollered Jack with a dramatic wave of his arms. âWhat year is it?â
âNot sure... Iâll ask Mister Cotton.â Gibbs bustled off across the deck in search of the man.
Jack turned back towards her and shrugged his shoulders. âWeâll have an answer for you in a minute, darlin.â
âHow can you not know what year it is?â asked Bronwyn. Panic was beginning to set in, now. She could feel the effect of adrenaline on her body. Her heart was racing within her chest and her breath was coming in short ragged gasps. She was dreading the answer to her stupid, stupid question.
âWeâre pirates, love,â replied Jack in a tone that told Bronwyn that he thought she was one a penny short of a pound. âWe donât really pay much attention to that sort of thing.â Bronwyn felt sick. âAre you alright, love?â asked Jack. He peered at her with a look of puzzlement on his face. Bronwyn realised that she must look a little odd as she felt herself begin to sway. It must be the heat, she thought, or the lack of breakfast, or the rum. Darkness was beginning to encroach on Bronwynâs vision. She reached out for Jack just as she started to fall.
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âHere we go again,â muttered Jack as he caught Bronwyn just before she hit the deck. He reached down and hauled her up into his arms. Muttering under his breath about mad wenches, he carried her back into his cabin and lay her down on the mattress. What was he supposed to do with her now? Here she was, supine on his bed and dead to the world. It was the second time she had fainted since Jack had found her.
Honestly, women!
After a momentâs thought, he decided that she needed to develop a bit more fortitude. Jack was roused from his musings by a noise at the door. He turned to see what was going on. It was Gibbs.
âBeg yer pardon, Jack,â he said with a cough, as his cheeks turned a bright shade of red beneath his whiskers, âI didnât know you were... um... busy.â
âIâm not busy,â replied Jack. Moreâs the pity. âShe fainted... again.â
âOh, well in that case,â said Gibbs as he stepped into the room, âI just came to tell ye that Iâve found out what year it is.â
âGood man,â Jack smiled. âYou can tell her when she comes around.â
âMe?â Gibbs looked startled. He wrung his hands together. Jack could see the sweat begin to break out on his forehead.
âAye, you.â confirmed Jack as his smile turned into a wicked grin. âAfter youâve tested out your theory, that is.â
âMy theory?â Gibbs obviously had no idea what Jack was talking about, as usual.
âAye, your mermaid theory. I thought you might like to wake her up by chuckinâ a bucket of water oâer her. You can kill two birds with one stone, as it were.â
âEh?â Gibbs was apparently becoming more confused.
âFirstly, itâll toughen her up a bit, give her a bit oâ backbone,â explained Jack, rolling his eyes. âWe canât have her faintinâ all the time, now can we.â
âNo,â agreed Gibbs with a nod of his head.
âSecondly, you can see if her feet turn into flippers!â
âAh!â smiled Gibbs, as realisation finally dawned on him. All of a sudden, his smile disappeared only to be replaced by a grimace. âWhy me?â
âBecause Iâm not bloody doinâ it,â replied Jack as he walked away from the bed and towards the door. âWhat do you think I am? Bleedinâ stupid?â
Jack smiled as he sat at his desk and listened to the screams that were coming from his side cabin. At least it wasnât him that Bronwyn was yelling at. Deciding it was time, however, to rescue his first mate, he placed his hands on the top of the desk and pushed himself to his feet. He was glad to note that the morningâs aches and pains had disappeared. Perhaps he wasnât getting old after all. Jack swayed a little before striding off across the cabin. He paused in the doorway of his side cabin and watched the scene in front of him. He couldnât help but chuckle at the sight. Bronwyn was stood in one corner of the room. She was dripping wet and, much to Jackâs disappointment, she had her arms folded across her chest. Gibbs stood in the opposite corner of the room. He was rubbing his head. Jack looked down at his feet. A number of Jackâs possessions lay scattered about the floor in Gibbs' immediate vicinity.
âWhatâs goinâ on?â asked Jack, as he tried to keep the amusement out of his voice.
âHe threw a bucket of water over me,â whimpered Bronwyn. She pointed to Mister Gibbs, but as soon as she noticed the direction of Jackâs gaze, she folded her arms again and frowned.
âI was just followinâ orders,â insisted Gibbs with a pained expression. âI did as you asked Jack, and then she started throwinâ all your possessions at me.â Jack placed his hands on his hips and tried to look as stern as he could.
âYou asked him to do this?â asked Bronwyn incredulously. She glared at Jack. Suddenly he didnât feel quite so sure of himself. âCouldnât you have used some smelling salts or something? Isnât that what you people use in the seventeenth century.â Bronwynâs tone became mocking.
âEh?â Now she was talking gibberish again. What the hell are smelling salts? wondered Jack.
âThe seventeenth century?â enquired Gibbs as he looked at Bronwyn and then at Jack.
âAye.â said Jack.
âYes.â agreed Bronwyn.
ââTis not the seventeenth century, Jack,â Gibbs replied. He shook his head and looked at them as if they were both mad.
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âThank God for that!â exclaimed Bronwyn with a sigh of relief. She wasnât mad after all. It was Jack that was mad.
âMister Cottonâs parrot says its 1701,â continued Gibbs.
â1701?â spluttered Jack and Bronwyn together. Now Gibbs was mad. They were all bloody mad!
âAye, 1701. âTis the eighteenth century now, and it has been for a while.â
âOh.â said Jack. âI stand corrected.â He looked at Bronwyn. She felt her heart sink. âAny more stupid questions?â
âThere is just one more thing,â Bronwyn said with a weak smile. She had to know. She couldnât wait any longer.
âYes?â Bronwyn could tell that Jack was not looking forward to hearing her query, but she decided to ask anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound.
âWhereâs the little girlâs room?â
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